Me: I am finally happy Life: Lol jokes!!

I feel so alone and so distant from my own body like I am not completely here. There is  a sharp pain of hatred for myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I keep it concealed from the people around me in hope that they do not have to suffer with my problems but it is killing me. I have the urges to cut again but I know I can't because I will hurt everybody around me and that is the last thing I want. Today brought back memories I am trying to forget relationships I do not want to remember. The hurt and frustration that I suffered not knowing what I had done. what seems to be a long time ago yet it was only a bit over six months ago. I have a fear of been rejected by those close to me again because if that happens again I am not sure if I am going to be able to repair the damage and recover. Things have just been going so well and that doesn't happen with me something bad is going to happen and I am scared of what it is going to be...