Me: I am finally happy Life: Lol jokes!!

I feel so alone and so distant from my own body like I am not completely here. There is  a sharp pain of hatred for myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I keep it concealed from the people around me in hope that they do not have to suffer with my problems but it is killing me. I have the urges to cut again but I know I can't because I will hurt everybody around me and that is the last thing I want. Today brought back memories I am trying to forget relationships I do not want to remember. The hurt and frustration that I suffered not knowing what I had done. what seems to be a long time ago yet it was only a bit over six months ago. I have a fear of been rejected by those close to me again because if that happens again I am not sure if I am going to be able to repair the damage and recover. Things have just been going so well and that doesn't happen with me something bad is going to happen and I am scared of what it is going to be...

Good Night..

So tonight was a pretty good night. Jackson's parents are away for the weekend and I am staying over. Zed and Jen came over for the night at fitted subs into my car. They have gone home now and it is pretty late, Jackson is curled up on the lounge asleep so coot aha xxxx

Marriage??

Today people were talking about marriage and to be honest I am not a strong believer. I don't think that it is necessary to sign a contract to say that you love somebody. If you love somebody you show them in other ways other than getting married. Yes maybe in previous times it was used as a way to share property and blah blah blah.. but in today's society it isn't necessary for those reasons. Also the cost of a wedding is ridiculous I think that money could be spent on way better things like a house or car. Also why should straight people be allowed to get married if gay and lesbians can't it is wrong. I assure you that if I ever do consider getting married I won't until gay marriage is legalized in Australia because why should I get married if a percentage of our nation cannot just because they love somebody of the same sex? I love Jackson and I will never need a piece of paper to proove that

Jackson...

I think it is about time I tell you about my boyfriend Jackson. We started dating on the 21st of July, he is the best thing that has happened in my life. I am so much happier and I feel so much more free to be myself around him. There are not that many people out there who I can be my true self around and from the day we met I have felt like he accepts me for who I am. We are the craziest people ever and people are always commenting on how cute we are together he is just perfect. There is always this thought deep in my mind that I am not good enough for him and I hate the fact that I know that he can hurt me and the drop of a hat. But I truly trust him enough to hope that he doesn't because I love him so much more than I have ever loved anybody before. He is just so funny and sexy and we have had so many good times together and I know that we will have many more in the future. I love you Jackson. Good night lovelies xxxx

Its funny how some one you one knew everything about can look straight past you as if you were a complete stranger

In June Lisa and I finally ended our friendship. To this day I don't even know what happened. I think she is just one of those people who thinks she is better than me and I don't need people like that in my life. I don't see myself being better than somebody else and I don't see other people being better than me. We have so many good memories together that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Yes I am going to admit that I do miss her sometimes because she understood me however I have new people in my life like Jackson who understands me and what I have been through. On the other hand we just grew a part people saw us as sisters and our friendship turned out to be like a competition. At school she looks at me like I am a complete stranger, she doesn't even make eye contact with me. I guess we have just both moved on I just wish we could at least talk to each other in general conversation. I only have one regret from ending our friendship and that was loosing other friends in my life like Eve who chose not to be friends with me and just be friends with Lisa but that's another story xxxx

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters.” audry hepburn

My life is now moving to a place where I am finally starting to be happy a lot has happened since I last posted yes I still have my bad moments but I am finally heading in the right direction :)

Helloooo!

I haven't posted on here in a while because I have been so so busy with exams and life in general. It is my birthday tomorrow so so excited because I get my p's on Saturday, hopefully if I can pass haha! So me and my best friend kind of made up it is so good having her back in my life. I have exams coming up next week so stressful but anyways bye for now xx