Good Night..

So tonight was a pretty good night. Jackson's parents are away for the weekend and I am staying over. Zed and Jen came over for the night at fitted subs into my car. They have gone home now and it is pretty late, Jackson is curled up on the lounge asleep so coot aha xxxx

Marriage??

Today people were talking about marriage and to be honest I am not a strong believer. I don't think that it is necessary to sign a contract to say that you love somebody. If you love somebody you show them in other ways other than getting married. Yes maybe in previous times it was used as a way to share property and blah blah blah.. but in today's society it isn't necessary for those reasons. Also the cost of a wedding is ridiculous I think that money could be spent on way better things like a house or car. Also why should straight people be allowed to get married if gay and lesbians can't it is wrong. I assure you that if I ever do consider getting married I won't until gay marriage is legalized in Australia because why should I get married if a percentage of our nation cannot just because they love somebody of the same sex? I love Jackson and I will never need a piece of paper to proove that

Jackson...

I think it is about time I tell you about my boyfriend Jackson. We started dating on the 21st of July, he is the best thing that has happened in my life. I am so much happier and I feel so much more free to be myself around him. There are not that many people out there who I can be my true self around and from the day we met I have felt like he accepts me for who I am. We are the craziest people ever and people are always commenting on how cute we are together he is just perfect. There is always this thought deep in my mind that I am not good enough for him and I hate the fact that I know that he can hurt me and the drop of a hat. But I truly trust him enough to hope that he doesn't because I love him so much more than I have ever loved anybody before. He is just so funny and sexy and we have had so many good times together and I know that we will have many more in the future. I love you Jackson. Good night lovelies xxxx

Its funny how some one you one knew everything about can look straight past you as if you were a complete stranger

In June Lisa and I finally ended our friendship. To this day I don't even know what happened. I think she is just one of those people who thinks she is better than me and I don't need people like that in my life. I don't see myself being better than somebody else and I don't see other people being better than me. We have so many good memories together that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Yes I am going to admit that I do miss her sometimes because she understood me however I have new people in my life like Jackson who understands me and what I have been through. On the other hand we just grew a part people saw us as sisters and our friendship turned out to be like a competition. At school she looks at me like I am a complete stranger, she doesn't even make eye contact with me. I guess we have just both moved on I just wish we could at least talk to each other in general conversation. I only have one regret from ending our friendship and that was loosing other friends in my life like Eve who chose not to be friends with me and just be friends with Lisa but that's another story xxxx

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters.” audry hepburn

My life is now moving to a place where I am finally starting to be happy a lot has happened since I last posted yes I still have my bad moments but I am finally heading in the right direction :)

Helloooo!

I haven't posted on here in a while because I have been so so busy with exams and life in general. It is my birthday tomorrow so so excited because I get my p's on Saturday, hopefully if I can pass haha! So me and my best friend kind of made up it is so good having her back in my life. I have exams coming up next week so stressful but anyways bye for now xx

Raining...

The joys of being stuck in my tent in the rain haha 

Rain, Rain please go away I will forever love you please stop raining :(

Such a fun day :)

So my good friend Eve broke up with her boyfriend about a month ago and she is starting to get rid of all of his stuff. Today we got rid of the locket he gave her for Christmas/New Years, this was a big step for her.
We thought we would have a little bit of fun with it so we decided to throw it off a cliff not far from our houses and make a video/documentary kind of a thing. It was quite fun and we made it quite dramatic just some of the stupid stuff we do haha. Then we went down to the supermarket and brought food that reminded us of when we were kids, such as PEZ, yogo, milk straws, golliwog biscuits. Then we cried and laughed down at the park and took heaps of photos and stuff, it was such a good day. It was so good to see her because I haven't seen her in a while cause she got back  from boarding school for holidays.

Just finished packing for holidays tomorrow, can't wait to go I need a break from this place. Driving lesson in the morning then off we go.

I will post some pictures when I get there xoxox

Happy Easter 

Hope you have a fantastic day and don't eat too

too much chocolate

oxoxo

Hunger Games and Stuff

So I saw Hunger Games yesterday it was pretty good but nowhere as good as the books which was expected. I was furious when I heard that the movie critics were saying that Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss) was too fat for the part. She is not even big at all it is ridiculous I feel so sorry for her having to hear that. She played the part so well.

I worked today and it was so busy because of Easter tomorrow. I cannot eat another chocolate I have had so many Easter eggs this week, I am going to be so fat after tomorrow haha.

I am officially on holidays as from now, it is amazing knowing that I have absolutely nothing on tomorrow :) I have so much study to do these holidays especially for chemistry and I have to pack to go on holidays on Tuesday so excited haha

Anyways I think you should all go and see Hunger Games because it is so popular for a reason haha

Goodnight and sweet dreams xoxo

Longest day ever...

Today was really slow and torturous. First I had an Easter Liturgy at school eww.. then normal 5 period day followed by a nice 5 hour shift at work. Just got home and its 10:05 and I feel like I am about to collapse I hate  you daylights savings haha.

I got glasses yesterday, just for reading and I feel a bit self conscious wearing them at school and stuff but I am hoping I will just get used to them. I really like wearing them but I am afraid about what others think..

On the upside school holidays start so two and a half weeks off school. I am going on holidays for ten nights about an hour away from my house with all of my extended family and a few family friends which should be good. What sucks about it though is I will be studying for most of the holidays because we have exams as soon as we return to school. I am going to see Hunger Games with Emily tomorrow you can not explain my excitement hahaha.

 Goodnight sweet dreams xx

Friendship

Now that me and Lisa are not talking, I have taken some time to get closer to other people around me who I have always been good friends with but not really close. Emily and I have Been friends for around four years. I hadn't really realized it but she has never judged me in anyway at all and she always treats me with respect. She is an amazing person who doesn't deserve to be going through what she is and I love her to bits. Yes she may not be the most interesting person or the most social person but she loves me and truly excepts me for who I am the good and the bad sides. She has always been there for me even when I haven't completely been there for her. All that is about to change time for our friendship to reignite and time for me to help her out by helping her battle her social anxieties in life. I love you so much and I don't know what I would do without you. You are gorgeous and don't let anybody tell you otherwise xo

I play the piano all the time. I have only started again in the last 6 months but used to play when I was younger.  I am learning Birdy's song Skinny Love (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg&ob=av2e) You should listen to it if you haven't it is such a good song. Birdy is an amazing artist she has such a good voice and she plays all of her own music on the piano. I can relate to the song a lot because I have recently broken up with my boyfriend. I will post my cover when I have finished xoxo

It Just Hurts..

< Its true but I don't want it to be..

So it turns out that my best friend Lisa's family isn't coming on holidays with us for the weekend. It just really frustrates me because I thought it would be a chance for us to sort what is going on between us. How does she expect me to feel when one day she tells me that she needs a break from us to sort some stuff out in her life. She said you haven't done anything at all and I still love you but I need just need time. What does that even mean? How much time do you need? We were like sisters we pretty much lived at each others house and did everything together then she tells me this. I haven't had a decent conversation with her in weeks. I needed her when I broke up with my boyfriend and she wasn't there. I don't know what to do. I miss having her there, somebody I could talk to about anything and everything. She has changed something bad is happening in her life but she doesn't want to tell me because we both know what it's like to have to carry other peoples problems but she is my best friend I would do anything for her. I know what is it like I have been there before, she doesn't know this. I wish she would tell me what is going on because I can't wait for ever and i will try my best to understand but this can't go on for ever. Maybe it is time to move on from our friendship but at the same time I don't want to loose her, maybe I have to.. No idea what to do.

Okay so..

Now that my blog is off to a start, I will not be posting this much in one night I just wanted to get it started off. Feel free to follow, comment or messages me whatever you want. Goodnight x

Today I watched a really good movie called le fabuleux destin d’amélie poulain. It was in French but I watched it with subtitles as I am learning beginners french. It was so good, I didn't think it would be as good as it was and I recommend you to go see it. Don't be turned off it because of the french subtitles because you will miss out in watching an amazing movie. I think i enjoyed it so much as I could relate to the main character Amélie in a few ways. Must see movie :)

trying to discover myself..

So the name of my blog is trying to discover myself, so what does that really mean? My life at the moment is going through a massive reconstruction and I am trying to discover the person I really want to be. I have many choices to make that I face daily and they will impact on my life greatly. What kind of person do I want to be? I ask myself this question all the time and I am slowly discovering that everyday. When I look back, to even as close as last year , I can see how much has changed some things are positive but I made some really stupid mistakes and decisions that I now have to live with. I am trying to think positive because I was in a dark place a few weeks ago. I am trying to change and get better but it will take a bit of time. I am going really well at the moment by making small changes in my life that will help me in the future. I am a little bit behind in my studies and failing my first chemistry exam, even though it was only half a mark, was a bit of a wake up call. So pretty much what I am saying is my blog is about me, my life and just random things I find and want to share. Enjoy :)

I love Kombi Vans they are amazing. You might find that weird haha. I get so excited when I see them when I see one around Newcastle and all my friends and family are always pointing them out to me. I would never own one, but when I turn eighteen I am going to hire one and go on a road trip with all of my friends. I am on my L's at the moment but I get my P's on the 19th of May. I am so excited because I won't have to catch buses anymore and I can drive anywhere. It gives me a lot more freedom :)

A little about myself..

I have started year eleven in February this year. A lot has changed good and bad. The good part is I have met lots of new people from  all different places. The bad part is I am drifting away from two of the most important people in my life my best friend and another close friend. Both of these people are going through a hard time. My close friend Eve, went to boarding school, two hours away. I miss her so much and we talk all the time but its still not the same. She has been battling depression for many years and it is really difficult to deal with. I am always here for her and I love her so much and I don't know what I would do without her. My best friend Lisa, can't handle the added stress of school and the pressure of Eve's depression is affecting her in a negative way. There is a lot more to it but she doesn't want to tell me anything about what she is going through because she knows how it affects people. She told me that she needed some space and some time to sort out what she is going through. We haven't really spoken that much over the last few weeks but our families are going on holidays together next Tuesday the 10th. I am hoping that this will give us sometime to sort out everything because I really miss how close we used to be. I hope we can go back to being as close as we were, she told me we would, but there is just this thought and worry that we won't. I don't know what I would do without her because I love her so much and I worry about her. I started the year with a boyfriend but we recently split up. I was for the best I think we just weren't connecting on all levels. He was eighteen and he was in uni I am 16 still in school. When we were on holidays it was great because we could see each other all the time but when school and uni started again we never got to see each other. It turned into a texting relationship and when we did get to see each other we were too tired to do anything so we would just watch t.v. together. We went out like one night a week but I only got to see him then. It is the school holidays on Friday and I can't wait I need a break from school and people just to have some time to myself to sort some things out and take next term with a new more positive frame of mind.

Hi, Welcome to my blog...I am new at this haha. I made this blog to post stuff about my life and what I am feeling. Feel free to follow and comment or what ever you want. I am always here for anybody out there who may need some support or is bored and just wants a general chat so you are more than welcome to message me at maree1805@gmail.com. I would love to communicate with other teens out there and find people out there who I can ask advice if I ever need it or I can give out advice.. I don't know how good it would be though. Hope you follow and hope to hear from some of you soon xx